Bad, bad, laptop.

It's been a while since I last posted, the reason being that I am now terrified of my laptop.

Since being diagnosed with acid reflux, I have been trying to change my diet so as to not aggravate it  further. So I contacted my sister-in-law, a nutrionist. When we spoke, she began to tell me the dangers of all sorts of foods: meats, chemicals and the importance of eating organically. I jotted down every word she said and was amazed and downright frightened of all the foods I should've avoided, but never did. Healthy foods that I once thought were an excellent choice:  turkey sandwhich meat, chicken breasts, extra virgin olive oil (not good when heated, fine on salads and so on) and even innocent old peanut butter (apparently not so innocent after all). And those are my healthy choices. Never mind the unhealthy choices I've made over the years. Like my love for cream sauces and french fries.

Then she went on to fill me in on the danger of using cell phones too much. The radiation waves. It went a little something like this:

SIL - You know cell phones are very dangerous
Me - Hang on, i'm just writing this down. Uh huh, uh huh.... why?
SIL - Radiation waves. You should really limit your use. As well as your laptop. Never keep it on wireless unless you are traveling.
Me (Starting to sweat, heart beating faster, mind racing to thoughts of doom)
- Excuse me?
SIL - Not good for you.
Me- I've had a laptop for five years. It's been on wireless the whole time.
SIL- Not good.
Me  (Sweat gushing out, tears forming, staring at laptop in shock and extreme anger. Shameful thing.)
- Well no problem, I can fix that.

Then my thoughts went to how often I used my cell phone when I was living at my parents because my mother was constantly on the house line. I had marathon calls with my best friends. Oh please tell me this is a nightmare. I called one of my best friends M and told her all about this. It went a little something like this:

Me - OMG, OMG, cell phones can cause tumours. I've totally screwed myself, I am so sad and upset.
M - Yea, well, I probably got a few of those floating up there as well.  
Me - And the laptop. Can you believe it?
M - Whatever.
Me - And I never really ate organic meat.
M - I never eat anything organic.

I also drank water from the tap quite a bit after the baby was born.

Doom, doom, utter doom.

Anyway this is why I have not posted much his week.

I also keep my blackberry in a corner, behind piles of books as I am also terrified of it as well. Oh blackberry, how could you? You seemed so friendly with your endearing little name and your magical powers that would connect me to the people I love. And now to know that you have been stabbing me in the back the entire time. You sly product.

I am this close to deciding to live my life in a bubble. Ugh.

I love my baby daddy

An excerpt from a note from my husband today:

I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much.  I know its really hard to stay home all day with a baby that can't even talk, but cries a lot.  I don't know how you do it but you do - and very well I might add!!!  You're always so patient, especially when you are exhausted...I wish I could be like that.  I hope you're starting to feel better (mentally I'm talking now, I'll get to the physical in a moment lol)...you certainly seem much better in the last week to me.  But if you're not, that's ok too, just come to me and let me comfort you.  Whatever you need, I'm here for you, don't feel like you're in this on your own...even though I'm not always physically here, I'm always thinking of you and our little guy and am just a phone call away.
I love you mostest!

A new way of looking at pain

In searching for answers to what can so often be an emotionally crippling pain, I have come across the below by Rumi and thought I would share it. I am often fearful of fear itself, but I am starting to wonder whether it is in my life for a reason.


The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi